Indescribable Yearning

I'm incredably sad, honestly.
I have been with Mercedes for four months now.
We haven't been able to spend one aniversary together.

This is how miserable my life is. I see other people with the ones whom they love dearly and I just want to run up and smack both of them and say that one of them is cheating on the other just so they would break up what they had that they called "love".

I wish i could just wake up one day and she would be there laying right next to me with those big hazel eyes and beautiful smile. I miss her so much, i love her so much.

God please just fucking kill me now!

I'm Bored so I Torment People

This was done a long time ago. My friend Mike left himself logged in on his family computer and so his little sister got on it and I wanted to talk to him but all I got was her.
Well I really don't like it when other people mess with my friends stuff, unless it's me.

Session Start (vio1entmind@hotmail.com:Michael): Fri Oct 21 17:58:23 2005
[17:58] Bob: hey douche bag
[17:58] Michael: who
[17:59] Bob: you bitch
[17:59] Bob: i love you
[17:59] Michael: ummmmmmmmmmm
[17:59] Michael: this is Mikes sister
[17:59] Michael: he went to band
[18:00] Michael: bye
Session Close (Michael): Fri Oct 21 18:02:20 2005


Session Start (vio1entmind@hotmail.com:Michael): Fri Oct 21 20:29:04 2005
[20:29] Bob: Michael
[20:52] Michael: no elizabeth
[20:53] Bob: what are you doing on mikes computer
[20:53] Michael: this is the family room computer
[20:54] Bob: why are you on his account
[20:54] Bob: type faster
[20:54] Bob: faster
[20:54] Michael: im on my moms acount
[20:55] Bob: no mikes msn account
[20:55] Bob: type faster
[20:55] Michael: because he never sighned out
[20:55] Bob: then sign him out
[20:55] Bob: type faster
[20:55] Michael: and sorry about my typing, im only in 8th grade
[20:56] Bob: why
[20:56] Michael: and i passed with a c in keybording
[20:56] Bob: we passed with an f
[20:56] Michael: o
[20:56] Bob: i
[20:56] Bob: u
[20:57] Michael: really
[20:57] Bob: and sometimes y and w
[20:57] Michael: hu
[20:57] Bob: i+u=us
[20:57] Michael: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[20:57] Michael: you are a little perve
[20:57] Bob: but babyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[20:58] Michael: lossssssssssser
[20:58] Bob: i got an f and a c and i got a k too and the only thing that's missing is a bitch like you
[20:58] Bob: ganb
[20:58] Bob: *lick*
[20:59] Bob: back that ass up,, yea boooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[20:59] Michael: if you dont leave me alone i will find a way for you to die
[20:59] Bob: too late
[20:59] Bob: im a pirate
[20:59] Michael: you will die on a full moon
[20:59] Bob: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
[20:59] Michael: hoser
[20:59] Bob: poser
[21:00] Bob: kosher
[21:00] Michael: well i have to go
[21:00] Bob: pickles!
[21:00] Bob: baby just say that you love me
[21:00] Michael: bye
[21:00] Bob: bye i love you
[21:00] Bob: type faster
[21:00] Michael: and i hate you
[21:00] Bob: but babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[21:00] Bob: i love you
[21:00] Michael: bye
[21:00] Bob: c ya
[21:00] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: type faster honey
[21:01] Bob: yeah what now
[21:01] Bob: type faster
[21:01] Michael: i hate you and if you dont leave me alone i will tell my brother to kick you but
[21:01] Bob: i don't care
[21:01] Michael: bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[21:01] Bob: leave then and stop hitting on me
[21:02] Michael: stop or ill block you
[21:02] Michael: bye
[21:02] Bob: go ahead
[21:02] Bob: like i care baby
[21:02] Bob: hurry up and type faster
[21:02] *** "Michael" signed off at Fri Oct 21 21:02:35 2005.
Session Close (Michael): Fri Oct 21 21:02:41 2005

Yeah type faster. Oh! And on another note, she's worse than fugly and she has a lisp and complains......A LOT!

End.

Incompetence, Fornication, and Lies

I can't do anything.
I love to draw, I can draw when I have nothing to do. When I'm listening, or when I'm just thinking.
But today, in church, I couldn't, it just stopped. The flow of momentum of the creative thought of my mind just dried out.
And then I just got depressed about everything, about my religion, about my life in general.
I have a great life really but just I'm depressed.
I guess it may be that my fiancee who lives in another state right now got drunk one night and thinks she slept with her best friend and might be pregnant right now.
Yeah that just leaves me all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
I want to have children with her but I don't want to have a child with her where her child isn't even related to me at all. I love her with all my heart and I don't want anything bad to happen to her. But I just hate how I asked her not to drink around other men because I know the nature of men, because I am one, what drives them is sex when they are drunk nothing else.
What drives me is two things God and love. I fucking hate drugs and alcohol more than anything else. I have seen what drugs do to good people and what alcohol does to intelligent people, It turns them into the thing that they hate most and they don't even know about it.
I love her with all my heart and if she is pregnant and has a baby and we do get married, which we will, I will treat that child as my own. But as all people who don't want a child, I pray to God that she isn't pregnant.
She's only sixteen about to be seventeen in October she's a year and six months younger than I, and she might be having a baby.
They say God works in mysterious ways, well so does my mind in all and all.
You know everyone who is deeply in love and will wait for sex till' they are married and their partner is not a virgin kind of makes you wish that they were, just so you both can be new to something such as that, but people are stupid and inevitably doomed to do stupid things.
This was going to be a rant at how much I hate humanity but I guess I failed in that along with everything else.
This blog was suppose to be amusing thoughts to keep peoples attention at how weird I am.
I guess I fucked that up too.
My life is a lie to all the right things but is a distraught to all the wrongs in humanity.
We are all conniving devious people with good hearts on the inside and most seem to shield that good heart with distrust and ignorance we all have failed to she how media has accomplished to gain our attention and minds. We do what they say for us to do. Television shows tell us that smoking and sex and alcohol is good and that it will make you seem like a better person, in looks and personality. Well as everything on television is...IT LIES! Along with people.
well, all have a certain loyalty in the media, It gives us lies that we seamlessly mistake for truth, and that we find comfort in the media.

End

Slightly Less than Sane

You know if I was "leader" *cough*Dictator*cough* of this country, I would be the complete opposite of Hitler.
Now you are asking how so?
Well you see Hitler believed Ignorance was the best way to keep people under his control, by way of; the book burning, keeping out Germany's failures in the war, ect.
Well I would make people learn, Make the standards so high that a college student in primary school wouldn't be able to pass, well it would be hard for him to anyways.
In kindergarten I would already have them doing multiplication and they can read, not just see dick run in to a fucking wall but stuff like "War and Peace", "The Catcher in the Rye", "Flowers for Algernon"... Big stuff like that.
By the time they would be in middle school they would be in college just about.
I would also make it mandatory for three hours a day the children would have to do and kind of exercise whether it be; Karate, Fencing, Yoga, Soccer, Football, rugby, swimming...Yeah you get the idea. But I would also make one hour of video games mandatory each day so they would develop better hand eye coordination. Also if they wanted to play more games but wanted to get into the exercise time they could do DDR for that time.
I would also make education in music mandatory whether it is band or choir.
So really I would be pressing learning so that the next person who takes over would be Smarter than me and would take the country ether way; back to the original way or make bliss of ignorance.

End

Annoyance on 26 MPG

It takes me 45 minutes to get to the college, and all this week I had to fill out paperwork and get my schedule fixed and get a job. Well I had to go up there twice today, DAMNIT, well as things turn out I got a job as a Librarian Assistant.

Well they called me today;
"Is Nick there?"
"Possibly?"
"You have to fill out the rest of the paperwork"
"What paperwork?"
"The paperwork for the job at the library"
"What library?"
"The library at the..."
"Oh! That library"
*dramatic pause of 2 seconds*
"I'll be there in a fortnight"
"A what?"
"bye"
*click*

Yeah so I "wasted" gas on something as trivial as a those stupid papers. *eye twitched*
We live in an age of technology they cant just send me the paperwork through.....EMAIL!!!
so I don't have to waste my gas that I had to pay for myself to fill out paperwork.
roar!*meows*

End.

Gifted or "Special"

Ok I was just going over how fucked my life is thus far.
And I have come to realize that Carlsbads Gifted Program is almost the same as the Special Ed classes.
For those of you who had Mrs.Fatbitchkeely all you did is what....CRAFTS!!!!! thats it. One day I remembered that I had to take something down to the Sped class and I noticed that it wass the same as the Gifted. WTF!!! Thatnk you New Mexico for furthering my Gift in an utterly usless class. Fuck I feel like I would have been better off if they had fucking challenged me in school. Fuckers.
Ok Realization End.